How do you define love? What does love mean to you? Here is one definition of love according to the The Concise Oxford Dictionary, Ninth Edition: The foremost authority on current English:
love (n) – an intense feeling of deep affection of fondness for a person or thing
We all have felt intense feelings of deep affection for many people or things but there are varying degrees of love. You can love a family member as affectionately and with the same fondness as a good friend. You can have a deep intense love for the planet, a hobby, an animal or even an object. But no love is the same as the love you share with that ‘special someone’. What makes this type of love different is the emotional, physical and sexual intimacy you share which heightens the intense of deep affection to a whole different level. This is the kind of love I share with my husband – Jason. We have been together for 19 years and have legally been married for 6. We had mixed emotions about getting married – were we doing it because it was legal in Ontario, Canada, were we doing it for the sake of being married, or were we doing it for no reason at all. Jason and I got married for all of those reasons and so that we could be viewed equally under the law as our heterosexual counterparts. That brings me to the story of Shane Bitney Coney and Thomas Lee Bridegroom.
The first time I heard of these two young men was when I came across a YouTube video entitled: It Could Happen To You. There are no words to describe the video – the only thing I can say about it was that Shane allowed me to feel his pain, his anguish, his suffering and his hurt. I want to reach out and hug him, comfort him, do anything to help with the pain he was feeling. Watch for yourself:
I watched this several times and imagined how I would feel if I was told that I would not be able to see my husband if he was ever hospitalized – I would be devastated. Again, my thoughts went to Shane and I cried thinking about the despair he felt. But, that despair was only the beginning. Imagine not being able to properly say goodbye to the person you loved more than anything in the world – How would that make you feel? My feelings of sadness for Shane turned to anger towards Tom’s family for not allowing Shane to attend his partner’s funeral. How could Tom’s family turn their backs on a loving partnership of 6 years? How could they cut 6 years out of a young man’s life and misrepresent their son in a different light? I kept Shane’s video images in my head for a long time – especially since Shane and Tom’s story could have been mine and Jason’s story or the stories of so many other same-sex couples who are in loving, committed relationships. I would say ‘prayers’ for Shane and lovingly send them out into the universe in hopes that they would reach him and give him the strength to carry on.
I was happy to know that a full-length feature documentary was being made about Tom and Shane’s relationship and the love they shared for one-another. The documentary ‘BRIDEGROOM’ became a reality after much support from the likes of Brad and George Takei and Neil Patrick Harris and so many other influential people. Over 6,500 people funded the film on Kickstarter.com and it became the most funded documentary in the history of crowd funding. The film was written, directed and produced by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason creator of the critically acclaimed television series Designing Women. The film was released in the fall of 2013. For more about the movie, bios about the people behind the documentary, the official trailer – please visit the movies official website: http://bridegroommovie.com
I hope that the hurt and pain that was left in Shane’s heart has decreased and I hope that Shane’s current devotion to removing the barriers of marriage inequality has somewhat filled that emptiness. I know that nothing Shane does will ever bring Tom back – but, I do know that wherever Tom is he is smiling, knowing that Shane is standing strong and fighting for something they already had – A deep sense of love. I tap 3 times on the desk my computer sits on in the memory of the love these 2 young men shared and for all the work Shane has/is doing for marriage equality.
COALITION OF POSITIVE ENERGY 