A NORMAL HEART

Who do you think when someone asks you, “Who is your role model?” – Most people (I believe) would indicate an actor/actress, a celebrity, sports athlete, writer, poet, singer, etc….For me – Those who inspire me and that I consider role models are people who have and continue to create positive change in the world.  Some of my role models include:  Dian Fossey, Ingrid Newkirk, Al Gore, Harvey Milk, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Lousie L. Hay and Mother Teresa, just to name a few.

There are so many ‘unsung heroes’ who continue to inspire and are determined to create positive change on many issues – Jane Goodall continues to inspire and create safe havens for chimpanzees, Leonardo DiCaprio inspires a whole new generation of environmentalists and those who want to curb climate change and there are doctors, scientists, environmentalists, politicians and human rights activists that are adamant in bringing their ideologies to light in order to help resolve current political and social issues.

Growing up as a gay teenager in the early 80’s, I was not aware of any gay role models who were determined to create positive change for the LGBT community.  The only things I remember in reference to my ‘lifestyle’ was that I was a faggot and that I may end up dying with AIDS.  Mainstream media talked about homosexuality in a negative way and that it was a lifestyle choice.  Homosexuals were sick and sexual predators, we were pedophiles who were going to hell because of our sin.  The only homosexuals that were ‘accepted’ by society at large were flamboyant celebrities like; Liberace, Elton John, Boy George, Freddie Mercury, etc…and they didn’t even identify as ‘gay’.

My teenage years were filled with darkness and suicidal thoughts because of how society viewed homosexuals.  I wasn’t able to live authentically until I discovered that there were countless others like me and that we lived happily and together in our own community.  Living in the shadow of AIDS and believing that AIDS was a ‘gay’ disease, I developed feelings of internal homophobia.  I started to believe all the stereotypes that heterosexuals had about the gay community – we were sinners, we were promiscuous, we partied all the time, we were sexual deviants, we dressed as woman, we were heavy drug users, pedophiles, faggots, should be killed and I thought I would die of AIDS because I was gay.

My life changed after I left home and moved in with my first serious boyfriend.  I knew he was HIV – and thought that this would not affect me in any way, I was wrong.  I stayed with him for all the wrong reasons – I felt sorry for him and found it very difficult to end our relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I cared for him very much, but I knew it wasn’t going to last.  The best thing about our relationship was the education and awareness I received regarding HIV and AIDS.  I formed wonderful relationships with many individuals who were victims of misinformation and bigotry surrounding this disease.

I recently watched The Normal Heart, the movie written by Larry Kramer and directed by Ryan Murphy.  This movie brought up so many feelings and emotions I had during the late 1980’s and early 1990’s.  I was enraged that it took so long for governments to act to contain the spread of the disease.  I was angered at how society viewed and treated homosexuals during a time when they required compassion the most.  I felt that I could easily have been a character in the movie – I lived most of it already.  I may not have lost as many friends as the generation before me did to the disease but I certainly knew of individuals who experienced many of the same shaming, judgements, hatred and discrimination as the characters of The Normal Heart did.

So who are my role models – those who are courageous enough to tell these stories without fear of recourse.  Julia Roberts, Mark Ruffalo, Jim Parsons, Taylor Kitsch, Larry Kramer, Ryan Murphy, Brad Pitt, Matt Boomer, the entire cast of this movie.  These celebrities and the real people who experienced these stories are my role models.  People who want to see the end of human suffering and who want to create positive change in the world – those are my role models.

I remember a discussion I had with the Director of The AIDS Committee of Toronto in the early 1990’s.  A discussion that revolved around my internal homophobia in which he offered this advice:  “Think about who you are hurting regarding how you feel – yourself.  Do you want to move forward and become happy or do want to continue living a life on how others perceive you to be?”  David is no longer with us today.  He was one of the great people we lost to this disease and his understanding, empathy, compassion and love continues to inspire me to create positive change in our world.

This blog is my THANK YOU to all who continue to inspire despite the challenges they face and all the people we have lost because of the positive change they wanted to create in the world.

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!

ALWAYS BE YOUNG AT HEART

How many times have you heard the following statements about television personalities, athletes, celebrities, pop stars and even people you know:

“He/She is told old to be wearing that.”

“He/She should not be behaving like that – it isn’t age appropriate.”

“Why do old people think they can do that?”

“Eww, old people shouldn’t be having sex.”

“If you reach the age of retirement, you should stop working to let the younger generation become employed.”

“Old people are too fragile to engage in that kind of physical activity.”

I hope that I am never faced with any of the above.  I have been guilty of saying “what you are wearing is too young for you” to my husband Jason and I cringe when I think about it.  If you feel great about wearing something and it makes you feel good, what does it matter what others think?  Should you not be empowered to wear clothing that makes you feel comfortable, sexy, confident and make you feel good?  Whenever we judge others in what they wear, say or do – says much about yourself.  You are saying these things because they make YOU feel uncomfortable.  You may also be saying these things because society frowns against what isn’t considered to be ‘normal’.  But what is normal?  I would rather be thought of as original and eccentric than conform to what everyone else deems ‘normal’.

Many people feel that once you reach a certain age that you should act a certain way.  True ageism (as well as sexism) rears its ugly head in Hollywood and the music industry, especially as it relates to sexuality/gender.  Money (and sex) is what motivates Hollywood and the music business.  Who wants to hire an actress over 50 in a leading role (unless you are master of your craft such as;  Meryl Streep) when you can hire sexy actresses that will sell movie tickets?  Today – it’s Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lawrence, Kirsten Stewart, Emma Watson, Amy Adams and Jennifer Anniston.  Actor’s don’t have this issue – Robert DeNiro, Robin Williams, George Clooney, Anthony Hopkins, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, and Morgan Freeman are all still headlining movies.

Ageism/Sexism seems to be much worse in music – especially if you are a women.  Case in point – Madonna.  She looks radiant and is in great shape but because she is over 50, many people believe that she shouldn’t be doing what she is doing or wear the clothing that she wears.  Do you hear people saying this about Mick Jagger, Iggy Pop, Jon Bon Jovi, Bono, Paul McCartney or Prince?  There is a double standard when it comes to being sexual for a female and a male.  When Madonna (or any other female pop star) grinds on stage with a younger male – she is a slut, a whore and a tramp but when a guy does the same thing, he’s a stud and cool.

I am glad that my thoughts on this issue have grown to be more opened to peoples individuality.  I am glad that there are people out there that don’t care what others think about in terms of their fashion sense and being young at heart.  Ultimately – if we are happy and enjoying doing what we are doing, the judgements of others should never deter us from staying happy.

Here is a great documentary on the subject of ageism – it is profound, inspiring, touching and motivating!  ENJOY!

THINGS CELEBRITIES SAY……..

As a gay male and vegetarian – I am very interested on what celebrities have to say on these issues.  I have compiled a list of quotes from some celebrities (living and deceased) on various issues, here are some of my favourites:

“I think every person has the ability to affect change…through our every thought, our every word, the way that we interact with other people, we are constantly affecting the world” – Adam Yauch (Rapper – Beastie Boys/Activist)

“I was horrified when Richard Chamberlain and Rupert Everett said gay actors should stay in the closet.  They were saying to people that they should live a lie and not be liberated, to live in fear of being found out” – Alan Cumming  (Actor – played Nightcrawler in X2: X-Men United and is currently on the television series, The Good Wife)

“There’s a cleanliness to how I eat now.  I’m much more in tune with my body, so now that I’m so in tune based on having become semi-vegan, I can tell what foods affect energy levels” – Alanis Morissette (Singer/Songwriter/Actress)

“Nothing will benefit human health and increased chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet” – Albert Einstein

“I try to eat healthy, but I won’t get on other people’s nerves about it” – Angela Bassett (Actress – played Tina Turner in What’s Love Got To Do With It)

“I think I’ve always been bi-sexual.  I mean, it’s something that I’ve always been interested in.  I think people are born bi-sexual, and it’s just that our parents and society kind of veer us of into this feeling of ‘Oh, I can’t’.  It’s ingrained in our heads that it’s bad, when it’s not bad at all.  It’s a very beautiful thing” – Billie Joe Armstrong (Lead Singer – Green Day)

“Let us be the ones who say we do not accept that a child dies every three seconds simply because he does not have the drugs you and I have.  Let us be the ones to say we are not satisfied that your place of birth determines your right to life.  Let us be outraged, let us be loud, let us be bold” – Brad Pitt (Actor/Activist)

“I’ve been vegetarian for about 17-18 years now, since I was about 28.  And of course, my motto has always been ‘if you love animals, don’t eat them’.  I’m opposed to fur and any kind of use of animal products.  I don’t eat them and I don’t wear them.  I’m not for the killing of any creature – whether it be seals, cows, dogs, anything.  So anytime it comes to any kind of animal cruelty, I’m totally against it” – Bryan Adams (Singer/Photographer)

“I think and speak clearer since I cut the dairy out.  I can breathe better and perform at a better rate, and my voice is clearer.  I can explore different things with my voice that I couldn’t do because of my meat and dairy ingestion.  I am proud and blessed to be a vegetarian, everything became clear” – Common (Hip-hop artist/Actor)

“The fur industry butchers animals and pollutes our environment.  I could never wear fur” – Fernanda Tavares (Brazilian model)

“Being vegan helped me realize I can say and do what I believe is right.  That’s powerful” – Alicia Silverstone (Actress/Author)

“I gave up meat when I was twelve.  One day I was cutting up a chicken for my mom, and I hit a tumor with the knife.  There was pus and blood all over the place.  That was enough for me” – Josh Harnett (Actor)

“People get offended by animal rights campaigns.  It’s ludicrous.  It’s not as bad as mass animal death in a factory” – Richard Gere (Actor/Activist)

“In some roles I have to wear fur, and I always make sure it’s fake, like in Austin Powers:  The Spy Who Shagged Me.  Faux fur is great because it shows people that faux can look fabulous” – Kristen Johnston (Actress)

“You need to hunt something that can shoot back at you to really classify yourself as a hunter.  You need to understand the feeling of what it’s like to go into the field and know your opposition can take you out.  Not just go out there and shoot Bambi” – Gov., Jesse Ventura (Former Governor and Pro-Wrestler)

“I’m picky when it comes to food – as long as there’s not meat in it” – Orlando Bloom (Actor)

“Meat is dirty.  I wouldn’t touch a hot dog without a condom on it” – Bill Maher (Comedian)

“To become vegetarian is to step into the stream which leads to nirvana” – Buddha

“Some people are still going to want to eat meat…we do agree though that vegetarianism is a healthier diet” – David Stroud (American Meat Institute)

“I abhor vivisection.  It should at least be curbed.  Better, it should be abolished.  I know of no achievement through vivisection, no scientific discovery, that could not be obtained without such barbarism and cruelty.  The whole thing is evil” – Charles Mayo (founder of the Mayo Clinic)

“If any kid ever realized what was involved in factory farming they would never touch meat again.  I was so moved by the intelligence, sense of fun and personalities of the animals I worked with on Babe that by the end of the film I was vegetarian” – James Cromwell (Actor)

“The medical argument for animal testing doesn’t stand up.  Even if it did, I don’t think we should kill other species.  We think we’re so much better; I’m not sure we are.  I tell people, we’ve beaten into submission every animal on the face of the Earth, so we are clear winners of whatever battle is going on between the species.  Couldn’t we be generous?  I really think it’s time to get nice.  No need to keep beating up on them.  I think we’ve got to show that we’re kind” – Paul McCartney (Singer/Actor/Activist)

“I grew up in cattle country – that’s why I became a vegetarian.  Meat stinks, for the animals, the environment, and your health” – K.D. Lang (Singer)

“You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall.  They always say, ‘because it’s such a beautiful animal’.  There you go.  I think my mother’s attractive, but I have photographs of her” – Ellen DeGeneres (Talk Show Host/Comedienne/Actress)

“How can you eat anything with eyes?” – Will Kellogg (Inventor, Corn Flakes)

“Behind every beautiful fur, there is a story.  It is a bloody, barbaric story” – Mary Tyler Moore (Actress)

“Fur used to turn heads, now it turns stomachs” – Rue McClanahan (Actress)

“When I was old enough to realize all meat was killed, I saw it as an irrational way of using our power, to take a weaker thing and mutilate it.  It was like the way bullies would take control of younger kids in the schoolyard” – River Phoenix (Actor)

“I think there will come a time, and this is down the road a great many years, when civilized people will look back in horror on our generation and the ones that have preceded it:  the idea that we should eat other living things running around on four legs, that we should raise them just for the purpose of killing them!  The people of the future will say, meat-eaters in disgust and regard us in the same way we regard cannibals and cannibalism” – Dennis Weaver (Actor/Humanitarian/Environmentalist)

“The thing that has been weighing on my mind this week is that I wanted to go and save all the little live lobsters in restaurants and throw them back in the ocean.  Imagine me being arrested for that” – Drew Barrymore (Actress/Director)

“The average age (longevity) of a meat eater is 63.  I am on the verge of 85 and still work as hard as ever.  I have lived quite long enough and am trying to die; but I simply cannot do it.  A single beef-steak would finish me; but I cannot bring myself to swallow it.  I am oppressed with a dread of living forever.  That is the only disadvantage of vegetarianism” – George Bernard Shaw (Playwright/Co-Founder of London School of Economics/Writer/Nobel Prize Winner(Literature) 

“They’ve been trying to test on animals for the past 50 years.  Nobody’s come up with a cure.  If you want to test on somebody, test on me” – Montell Williams (Former Talk Show Host)

“Many years ago, I was in a Broadway show and I had to wear a fox fur around my shoulders.  One day my hand touched one of the fox’s legs.  I t seemed to be in two pieces.  Then it dawned on me….her leg had probably been snapped in two by the steel trap that had caught it” – Bea Arthur (Actress)

“I’d like to see animals removed from the entertainment business.  Chimpanzees and apes won’t perform unless you beat them.  Circuses keep elephants in chains 90 percent of the time.  Elephants need freedom of movement.  In circuses, they live in cramped quarters, which is not the life intended for them by nature.  Some are beaten daily, forced to do ridiculous tricks and robbed of every shred of dignity” – Bob Barker (Television Game Host/Activist)

“If you look at the course of western history you’ll see that we’re slowly granting basic right to everyone.  A long time ago only kings had rights. Then rights were extended to property-owning white men.  Then all men.  Then women. Then children.  Then the mentally retarded.  Now we’re agonizing over the extension of basic rights to homosexuals and animals.  We need to finally accept that all sentient creatures are deserving of basic rights.  I define basic rights as this – the ability to pursue life without having someone else’s will involuntarily forced upon you.  Or, as the framers of the constitution put it, the ability to have “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”.  By what criteria can you justify denying basic right to any living thing?  Realize that by whatever criteria you employ someone could deny basic rights to you if they objected to your species, sexual preference, colour, religion, ideology etc.  Would you eat your house cat, or force a mentally retarded child to ingest oven cleaner?  If not, then why is it ok to eat cows and test products on sentient animals?  I believe that to knowingly commit actions that cause or condone suffering is reprehensible in the extreme.  I call upon you to be compassionate and treat others as you want to be treated.  If you don’t want to be beaten, imprisoned, mutilated, killed or tortured then you shouldn’t condone such behaviour toward anyone, be they human or not” – Moby (Singer/DJ/Activist)

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated” – Mohandas Gandhi (Preeminent Leader of Indian Nationalism)

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!