A NORMAL HEART

Who do you think when someone asks you, “Who is your role model?” – Most people (I believe) would indicate an actor/actress, a celebrity, sports athlete, writer, poet, singer, etc….For me – Those who inspire me and that I consider role models are people who have and continue to create positive change in the world.  Some of my role models include:  Dian Fossey, Ingrid Newkirk, Al Gore, Harvey Milk, Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Lousie L. Hay and Mother Teresa, just to name a few.

There are so many ‘unsung heroes’ who continue to inspire and are determined to create positive change on many issues – Jane Goodall continues to inspire and create safe havens for chimpanzees, Leonardo DiCaprio inspires a whole new generation of environmentalists and those who want to curb climate change and there are doctors, scientists, environmentalists, politicians and human rights activists that are adamant in bringing their ideologies to light in order to help resolve current political and social issues.

Growing up as a gay teenager in the early 80’s, I was not aware of any gay role models who were determined to create positive change for the LGBT community.  The only things I remember in reference to my ‘lifestyle’ was that I was a faggot and that I may end up dying with AIDS.  Mainstream media talked about homosexuality in a negative way and that it was a lifestyle choice.  Homosexuals were sick and sexual predators, we were pedophiles who were going to hell because of our sin.  The only homosexuals that were ‘accepted’ by society at large were flamboyant celebrities like; Liberace, Elton John, Boy George, Freddie Mercury, etc…and they didn’t even identify as ‘gay’.

My teenage years were filled with darkness and suicidal thoughts because of how society viewed homosexuals.  I wasn’t able to live authentically until I discovered that there were countless others like me and that we lived happily and together in our own community.  Living in the shadow of AIDS and believing that AIDS was a ‘gay’ disease, I developed feelings of internal homophobia.  I started to believe all the stereotypes that heterosexuals had about the gay community – we were sinners, we were promiscuous, we partied all the time, we were sexual deviants, we dressed as woman, we were heavy drug users, pedophiles, faggots, should be killed and I thought I would die of AIDS because I was gay.

My life changed after I left home and moved in with my first serious boyfriend.  I knew he was HIV – and thought that this would not affect me in any way, I was wrong.  I stayed with him for all the wrong reasons – I felt sorry for him and found it very difficult to end our relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I cared for him very much, but I knew it wasn’t going to last.  The best thing about our relationship was the education and awareness I received regarding HIV and AIDS.  I formed wonderful relationships with many individuals who were victims of misinformation and bigotry surrounding this disease.

I recently watched The Normal Heart, the movie written by Larry Kramer and directed by Ryan Murphy.  This movie brought up so many feelings and emotions I had during the late 1980’s and early 1990’s.  I was enraged that it took so long for governments to act to contain the spread of the disease.  I was angered at how society viewed and treated homosexuals during a time when they required compassion the most.  I felt that I could easily have been a character in the movie – I lived most of it already.  I may not have lost as many friends as the generation before me did to the disease but I certainly knew of individuals who experienced many of the same shaming, judgements, hatred and discrimination as the characters of The Normal Heart did.

So who are my role models – those who are courageous enough to tell these stories without fear of recourse.  Julia Roberts, Mark Ruffalo, Jim Parsons, Taylor Kitsch, Larry Kramer, Ryan Murphy, Brad Pitt, Matt Boomer, the entire cast of this movie.  These celebrities and the real people who experienced these stories are my role models.  People who want to see the end of human suffering and who want to create positive change in the world – those are my role models.

I remember a discussion I had with the Director of The AIDS Committee of Toronto in the early 1990’s.  A discussion that revolved around my internal homophobia in which he offered this advice:  “Think about who you are hurting regarding how you feel – yourself.  Do you want to move forward and become happy or do want to continue living a life on how others perceive you to be?”  David is no longer with us today.  He was one of the great people we lost to this disease and his understanding, empathy, compassion and love continues to inspire me to create positive change in our world.

This blog is my THANK YOU to all who continue to inspire despite the challenges they face and all the people we have lost because of the positive change they wanted to create in the world.

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!

BRIEF BIOS OF GREAT PEOPLE and HOW THEY INSPIRED POSITIVE CHANGE

What inspires you to create positive change in the world?  Have you ever thought about the countless individuals who have risked and even gave their lives fighting for injustices around the world?  We all know their names:

Harriet Tubman:  Born enslaved, liberated herself and returned to the area of her birth many times to lead family, friends, and other enslaved African-Americans north to freedom.  Advocate for women, the Union and enslaved people.  A leader to the civil rights movement.  Escaped to freedom at the age of 27 in 1849.  Returned to Dorchester County, Maryland USA (her birthplace) approximately 13 times to liberate friends, family and other enslaved African-Americans via the Underground Railroad.

Dian Fossey:  Undertook an extensive study of gorilla groups over a period of 18 years.  Financed patrols to destroy poachers traps.  Helped in the arrest of several poachers.  Strongly opposed wildlife tourism, as gorillas are very susceptible to human anthroponotic diseases like influenza for which gorillas have no immunity.  Viewed the holding of animals in “prison” (zoos) for the entertainment of people as unethical.

Martin Luther King Jr.:  Born Michael Luther King Jr., later changed his name to Martin.  Graduated High School at the age of fifteen.  Received B. A. degree in 1948 from Morehouse College and later received doctorate degree at Boston University in 1955.  In December of 1955, he accepted leadership of first great Negro nonviolent demonstration of contemporary times in the United States.  During an 11 year period between 1957 – 1968, King traveled over six million miles and spoke over twenty-five hundred times.  He directed the peaceful march on Washington, D.C., of 250,000 people to whom he delivered his address, “I Have a Dream”.  He was awarded five honorary degrees and named ‘Man of the Year’ by Time magazine in 1963 and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks but also a world figure.  At the age of thirty-five, Martin Luther King Jr. was the youngest man to have received The Nobel Peace Prize – when notified of his selection, he announced that he would turn over his prize money of $54, 123 to further advance the civil rights movement.

Mother Teresa:  Born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu in Skopje, Macedonia in 1910.  At the age of twelve, she knew she had to be a missionary to spread the love of Christ.  At eighteen, she left Skopje and joined the Sisters of Loreto, an Irish community of nuns with missions in India.  From 1931 to 1948 Mother Teresa taught at St. Mary’s High School in Calcutta, but the suffering and poverty she glimpsed outside the convent walls had such a deep impression on her that in 1948, she received permission from her superiors to leave the convent school and devote herself to working among the poorest of the poor in the slums of Calcutta.  In 1950, Mother Teresa received permission from the Holy See to start her own order, “The Missionaries of Charity”, whose primary task was to love and care for those persons nobody was prepared to look after.

Nelson Mandela: 

Born on July 18, 1918 in Qunu, South Africa.  Son of a chief, Nelson Mandela studied law and became one of South Africa’s first black lawyers. Early in the 1950s he was elected leader of the youth wing of the ANC (African National Congress) liberation movement. When the country’s white minority government prohibited the ANC in 1960, Mandela became convinced that armed struggle was inevitable. Inspired by the guerrilla wars in Algeria and Cuba, he organized a military underground movement that engaged in sabotage. In 1962 he was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for high treason and conspiracy against the state.

From 1964 to 1982 he was confined to the notorious prison island Robben Island, together with several other resistance leaders. He was then moved to prison on the mainland until his release in 1990. During his imprisonment, Mandela became a rallying point for South Africa’s oppressed, and the world’s most famous political prisoner.

Nelson Mandela shared the Peace Prize with the man who had released him, President Frederik Willem de Klerk, because they had agreed on a peaceful transition to majority rule.

Harvey Milk:  Born on May 22, 1930 in Woodmere, New York.  Harvey graduated from New York College for Teachers (now State University of New York) and enlisted in the Navy in 1951.  Discharged in 1955 with the rank of lieutenant junior grade.  He worked as a public school teacher on Long Island, a stock analyst in New York City and production associate for Broadway musicals, including Jesus Christ Superstar and Hair.  During the 1960’s and 70’s he became more actively involved in politics and advocacy and he demonstrated against the Vietnam War.  In late 1972, Milk moved to San Francisco, where he opened a camera store on Castro Street, in the heart of the city’s growing gay community.  Just over a year later, he declared his candidacy for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors – he lost but emerged from the campaign as a force to be reckoned with in local politics.  In 1975, he ran and narrowly lost.  His close friend and ally Mayor George Mascone, appointed him to the city’s Board of Permit Appeals, making Milk the first openly gay city commissioner in the United States.  In 1977, he easily won his third bid, and was inaugurated as a San Francisco City-County Supervisor on January 9, 1978. 

Harvey Milk spoke out on state and national issues of interest to LGBT people, women, racial and ethnic minorities and other marginalized communities.  One of these was a California ballot initiative, Proposition 6, which would have mandated the firing of gay teachers in the state’s public schools. State Senator John Briggs, seeking to marshal anti-gay sentiment and an agenda of hate and diminishment for political gain, spearheaded the initiative. With strong, effective opposition from Milk and others, it was defeated at a time when other political attacks on gay people were being successfully waged around the US.

Princess Diana:  Born Lady Diana Frances Spencer on July 1, 1961 in Sandringham (Norfolk, England).  Married Prince Charles on July 29, 1981.  Princess Diana pulled out of being patroness or president of over 100 social institutions and charitable organizations.  She took her role as patron of the English National Ballet, the Leprosy Mission and the British AIDS Help seriously.  She was known for her humanitary and fund-raising work for international charities.  She received recognition for her charity work and for her support of the International Campaign to Ban Landmines.  From 1989, she was the president of Great Ormond Street Hospital for children, in addition to dozens of other charities.

“I remember I used to sit on hospital beds and hold people’s hands.  People used to be sort of shocked, but to me it was quite a normal thing to do.  These people need hope.  They also need encouragement.”

Mahatma Gandhi:  Born Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, more commonly known as ‘Mahatma’ (meaning ‘Great Soul’) in Porbandar, Gujarat, in NorthWest India on October 2, 1869.  Married (via arranged marriage) at the age of 13 to Kasturba Makhanji.  Began college at University of College London at age of 18 in September of 1888.  Determined to adhere to Hindu principles, which included vegetarianism as well as alcohol and sexual abstinence, he found London restrictive initially, but once he had found kindred spirits he flourished, and pursued the philosophical study of religions, including Hinduism, Christianity, Buddhism and others, having professed no particular interest in religion up until then.  Following admission to the English Bar, and his return to India, he found work difficult to come by and, in 1893, accepted a year’s contract to work for an Indian firm in Natal, South Africa.  Despite arriving on a year’s contract, Gandhi spent the next 21 years living in South Africa, and railed against the injustice of racial segregation.  Witnessing the racial bias experienced by his countrymen served as a catalyst for his later activism, and he attempted to fight segregation at all levels.  He founded a political movement, known as Natal Indian Congress, and developed his theoretical belief in non-violent civil protest into a tangible political stance, when he opposed the introduction of registration for all Indians, within South Africa, via non-cooperation with relevant civic authorities.

David Suzuki:  Co-Founder of the David Suzuki Foundation.  David Suzuki is an award-winning scientist, environmentalist and broadcaster.  Dr. Suzuki is a geneticist.  He graduated from Amherst College (Massachusetts) in 1958 with an Honours BA in Biology, followed by a Ph.D. in Zoology from the University of Chicago in 1961.  In 1972, he was awarded the E.W.R. Steacie Memorial Fellowship for the outstanding research scientist in Canada under the age of 35 and held it for three years.  He holds 25 honorary degrees in Canada, the U.S. and Australia.  He was elected to the Royal Society of Canada and is a Companion of the Order of Canada.  Dr. Suzuki has written 52 books, including 19 for children.  His 1976 text-book An Introduction to Genetic Analysis (with A.J.F. Griffiths), remains the most widely used genetics text-book in the U.S. and has been translated into Italian, Spanish, Greek, Indonesian, Arabic, French and German.  Dr. Suzuki is also recognized as a world leader in sustainable ecology. He is the recipient of UNESCO’s Kalinga Prize for Science, the United Nations Environment Program Medal, UNEPs Global 500 and in 2009 won the Right Livelihood Award that is considered the Alternative Nobel Prize.

Ingrid Newkirk:  Animal rights activist, author and Co-Founder and president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) in 1980.  Born in Surrey, England.  Ingrid became an animal activist at the age of 21 after discovering that a neighbour abanded some kittens and decided to bring them to an animal shelter.  This life-changing experience let to her first job working in behalf of animals – cleaning kennels and investigating cruelty cases.  Ingrid served as deputy sheriff, a Maryland state law enforcement officer with the highest success rate in convicting animal abusers, the director of cruelty investigations for the second-oldest humane society in the U.S., and the chief of animal disease control for the Commission on Public Health in Washington, D.C.  Under Ingrid’s leadership, legislation was passed to create the first-ever spray-and-neuter clinic in Washington, D.C.  She coordinated the first arrest in U.S. history of a laboratory animal experiment on cruelty charges and helped achieve the first ever anti-cruelty law in Taiwan.  She spearheaded the closure of a Department of Defense underground “wound laboratory”, and she has initiated many other campaigns against animal abuse, including ending General Motors’ car-crash tests on animals.

Let the stories and actions of all the people mentioned above, inspire and motivate you to create positive change into our world and universe. 

Resources:

www.nobelprize.org

www.peta.org

www.gorillafund.org

www.royal.gov.uk

www.harriettubmanbiography.com

www.milkfoundation.org

www.princess-diana.com

www.davidsuzuki.org

www.ingridnewkirk.com

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!

 

CAN WE CHOOSE OUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

Many people seem to think that gays and lesbians have chosen their lifestyle and that they are not born this way.  To those people, I ask:  “What day was it that you acknowledged that you chose to be straight?”   If it is that clear – then all straight people must have made a choice about their sexuality too, right?  Are straight people not born straight?  If not, that would mean that they can choose to be gay also.

So, how do I know that I didn’t choose to be gay.  We need to go waaaay back to before I was a teenager.  I can’t pinpoint the exact date or age but I do know that I was physically attracted to men for the longest time.  I didn’t have a reason – I didn’t know any ‘gay’ people and there was certainly no television programs that promoted or encouraged that lifestyle in the early 80’s.  As a matter-of-fact, it socially unacceptable to be gay. I know I had attractions to the same-sex because at an early age – I would get excited just by looking at men modelling underwear in department store catalogues whereas the women’s section did nothing to arouse me – but that didn’t make me gay.  I remember finding a pornographic magazine at a neighbour’s house and curiously flipping through it.  Again,  I found that the women in the magazine didn’t arouse me at all but that I did enjoy looking at the men.  But that didn’t make me gay.

Growing into my teens, I understood that being someone who was attracted to those of the same-sex was not a very popular notion to have.  Society mocked them, ostracized and even used violence against them and made them feel like lesser human beings because of their sexual orientation.  This was morally justified by most religious institutions.  Being gay or lesbian meant that there was something wrong with you – you had a condition that was previously treated with shock therapy.  Even today – people are told to ‘pray the gay away’.  This is not possible (at least for me it wasn’t).  So what could I do about all those feelings I had inside of me – where was I able to feel safe and be with like-minded people?  I had no clue.  All I knew about being homosexual was what I learned around me – homosexuals were “fairies”, “faggots”, “pussies”, “tinkerbells”, “dykes”, “women that wanted to be men” and “men that wanted to be women” and that “they should all be dead or killed.”  There was no way I wanted to be part of that.  This was a choice I made.

I thought “hmmm, I’ll just try to do what everyone else is doing”.  I tried dating girls and always felt that it was wrong – I like their company but there was no physical attraction what-so-ever.  I thought I fell in love but later realized that I wasn’t in love with that person, I was emotionally drained and just wanted to ‘give in’.  I was never going to be able to meet a man and be in a relationship with a man because men like me didn’t exist and if they did – they were forced to exist in secret.  This was a choice I made.

I did manage to connect with other gay people but it was always ‘in secret’ and always in public – shopping centres, subways and parks but people would never know because we learned to hide our attractions very well because our attractions were not acceptable.  It wasn’t until junior high school that I realized there were other gay people and that I could live my life without shame, fear and free from hiding – or so I thought.  Yes, there were other gays living openly and free but those kids were bullied, gay bashed and harassed on a daily basis and didn’t seem to be living too freely to me – I did not want to be one of them.  This was a choice I made.

I eventually met other gay guys who refused to be victims and who introduced me to the ‘gay village’ – a community of lesbian and gays who lived regular lives with their partners in what seemed to be domestic bliss.  I was astounded and felt a huge load lifted off my shoulders – there were others like me and they had what I have always wanted a home and someone to love without shame, hate and fear.  Then came AIDS.  AIDS was the ‘gay disease’ – it was God’s punishment for living a life of sin.  I was terrified.  It seemed like society finally found a reason to justify their hate and proof that this lifestyle was an abomination in God’s eyes.  I decided to continue to hide my ‘secret’.  This was a choice I made.

I eventually began a relationship without someone of the same-sex.  It was my first serious relationship and it happened to be with someone who was HIV positive.  I learned that I could have a ‘normal’, healthy and safe relationship without fear of being infected with the virus.  Through this relationship, I learned much about HIV and AIDS and also met some of the most incredible individuals I have ever met.  People of different backgrounds – gay, straight, bi-sexual, Caucasian, Black, Chinese, men and women who all had one thing in common – they were HIV positive.  Our relationship lasted 5 years and I have never seen him since but I do thank him for what that relationship has given me –  the ability to come to terms with my homosexuality and to live openly and authentically as a gay male.  That was a choice I made.

Today – I am married with a man who has been in my life for 20 years.  Despite all the hurdles and obstacles we have had to overcome individually and together, we have managed to build a life that I am completely proud of.  We fought judgement, hate and bigotry from friends, family and religious institutions.  I have conquered physical and emotional abuse.  I battled internal homophobia and almost lost the most important person in the world because of it.  Mostly – I have conquered my fear.  The same fear that paralyzed me to not live as my true authentic self.  I am so glad that I was born gay.  I am glad that I have learned all the lessons that I was supposed to learn because without them, I wouldn’t be that man I am today.  I did not choose to be ridiculed, hated, gay-bashed or bullied – I chose to live.

Together, we can make the world a more positive one.

INSPIRING CELEBRITY VIDEOS….

I love when celebrities are not afraid to speak from the heart and not worried about how their statement/words may affect their careers.  It is fantastic when they speak truth and come from a place where there is no judgements, here are some great examples:

Who inspires you to become an instrument for positive change in our world.  Change can only come when we let our voices be heard.  Let your voice be heard!

Together we can make the world a more positive one!

 

GAY PRIDE MONTH – Gay themed posts for the month of JUNE

I figure since most countries celebrate Gay Pride during the month of June – I thought I would write gay themed posts.  Today’s post is to pay tribute to individuals who have contributed to gay culture and paved the way for the gay rights movement.  These people are symbols for equality and that have always supported the gay community.  They are my personal favourites – enjoy!

MADONNA – Pop ICON, Queen of Pop, Philanthropist, Movie Star, Director, Fashion Icon, Diva.  Madonna is by far the most celebrated female artist of the 20th century.  She has broken countless chart records and currently holds the title for highest grossing solo touring artist of all-time.  With her current tour just kicking off – will she be able to surpass her last touring effort.  Only time with tell!

LOUISE L. HAY – Writer, humanitarian, business woman and self-help guru.  Louise L. Hay moved to Los Angeles in 1980 and had several gay clients.  She was asked to start a gay men’s support group – she had a few men over for dinner one night – they talked, repeated affirmations and ended with song.  A week later – the group had 90 participants which then snow-balled to 850 every night.  She is currently 85 – and continues to share her message of love and positivity.  She tours across the country to promote wellness for the body, mind, soul and spirit – watch for the I CAN DO IT tour coming to a city near you throughout the year.

JIMMY SOMMERVILLE – In the early 80’s, Jimmy Sommerville belonged to a band called Bronski Beat.  They released 2 songs that were huge hits in the early 80’s – Why and Small Town Boy.  As a teen during this time – I was amazed how this song was received, after all it was a ‘coming out’ story about a bullied gay male?  Who knew it would be such a big hit and now classic gay anthem!  Jimmy also was in the band called The Communards – they were responsible for the remake of Thelma Houston’s disco classic “Don’t Leave Me This Way”.  Thanks Jimmy for being true to who you are!  Jimmy continues to create great music as a solo artist.

ELTON JOHN – Yes, he is a bit of a diva but you can’t deny that Elton, along with his writing partner – Bernie Taupin have created the most memorable pop tunes in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s.  After coming out publicly and later marrying David Furnish – Elton has remained a pop icon for more than 4 decades.  One of my favourite Elton songs (of many) is from the cd The One – the song is called ‘The Last Song’ – this came out during the AIDS epidemic and had a rather touching and compelling video.  Along with his classic hits – Elton was pivotal in raising money for AIDS charities.  Elton was a guest and sang at Matthew Sheppard’s funeral.

MARGARET CHO – Margaret is a stand-up comic (one of my all time favourites) and had a ground-breaking and controversial television show, All-American Girl.  The show was short-lived and Margaret decided to give it her all on her one-woman show, I’m The One That I Want.  The show was a hit which became a best-selling book and feature film.  Margaret has always supported the LGBT community and has been nominated for 2 Grammy Awards and honoured by GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation).  She has since had several sold-out tours – Notorious C.H.O. and Revolution.  She is currently seen in the comedy/drama – Drop Dead Diva.  She is also embarking on a new tour called Margaret Cho’s Mother Tour.

There are so many more celebrities in the public eye that have a direct link in helping me accept my homosexuality – past and present.  They were detrimental in helping me become comfortable in my own skin and provided the soundtrack to my life.  Their movies, music or words allowed me confront my own homophobia and shaped me in becoming the man I am today, they are:  Boy George, George Michael, Depeche Mode, Alison Moyet, Grace Jones, John Waters, Ian McKellan, Rupert Everett, Greg Louganis, Tom Ford, Roseanne Barr, Judith Light, Dan Savage, Bill Maher, Peaches, Billie Ray Martin, OMD, New Order, The Cure, EllenDegeneres, Alan Cumming, Wanda Sykes, Divine, Rupaul, Rachel Madow, Rosie O’Donnell, Alan Ball, Lily Tomlin and Melissa Etheridge, Lady Ga Ga, just to name a few.

I am thankful and grateful that there are people in the world spreading their support for equality no matter what gender you are, sexual orientation, religious denomination, political party and ethnicity.  I also want to thank those in my immediate circle (friends and family) who have stood by me and have given me their unconditional love when I didn’t know if I had the strength in me to survive.  I am here because of all of you and all of your love – I hope that that love and positive energy has found it’s way back to you!

THANK YOU and HAPPY GAY PRIDE!!!!