COMING OUT – WHEN LIFE BEGINS FOR THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY

How was it like for me to hide part of my true authentic self?  I was born gay, so why was I trying so hard to hide this amazing part of myself…..well, here are some of the reasons I refused talking about my sexuality:

• I didn’t want my family to be ashamed of me.
• I didn’t want to lose any of my friends.
• I didn’t want to be kicked out of my parents house.
• Society invoked violence against the LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans-gender, queer) community – so why would I want to endure that?
• Gay people were going to hell.
• Gay people get AIDS and die.
• Gay people are not “normal”.
• Gay people are not equal to normal heterosexuals
• Gay people are “dykes”, “faggots”, “sissies”, “pussies”, “gross”, “pedophiles”…..

So why didn’t I stay in the closet?  I was tired of trying to please everyone else but myself.  Once I embraced my homosexuality as part of my true authentic self – I was able to live my life with more clarity, honesty and authenticity.  No longer was I trying to hide who I was, no longer was I imprisoned by my desire to be what everyone else wanted me to be.  I was free, I was whole, I was finally me.  I was no longer afraid – I came to peace knowing that some people in my life (including family) would not accept this part of me but I didn’t care because there was nothing wrong with me.

I hope that there will be a day where gays and lesbians don’t have to ‘come out’ anymore because there is nothing to come out from.  ‘Coming out’ isn’t for the sake of making other people feel better – coming out, for me, was a way for me to liberate myself from the fears and stereotypes that society imposed on gays and lesbians.  If people accepted me already – why wouldn’t they embrace me after I empowered myself to live my true authentic life?  People fear what they don’t understand.  People are also slaves because of their religious beliefs and believe that the “sin of homosexuality” is an abomination.  Not very Christian is it?  (Please see my previous post ‘The Bible Mythology’ on many of the other things Christians should not be engaged in).

So – should we care when a celebrity comes out?  Absolutely!  What is the difference between homosexuals and heterosexuals (no this isn’t a joke)?  Nothing but our sexual preference!  As I have said many times before….I didn’t just decide to try being with men one day – I just knew I liked them and wanted to be with them in every way.  If it was that easy for me to choose to be gay – then it must have been a choice for heterosexuals to be straight.  Think about it – if, all of a sudden, I made the decision to be gay – then every other  straigh man or woman could make the same decision as I did.  Celebrities, athletes, politicians, and anyone else in the public eye should use their celebrity status as a platform to potentially save the lives of many individuals who struggle so hard in their decision to come out and live their authentic lives.  Whether you are homosexual or heterosexual – we all want the same things – to be happy, to contribute to the community, to help those in need, to love, to be compassionate and to spread positivity into the world.

I love all those who have paved the way for me, like gay icons – Harvey Milk, Liberace, Elton John, Carole Pope, Boy George, Jimmy Sommerville, Holly Johnston, Divine, Rupaul, George Michael, Barney Frank, Rachel Maddow, Ricky Martin, Ellen DeGeneres, Jason Collins, Dan Savage, Gareth Thomas, Greg Louganis, Cazwell, Frank Ocean and so many others.  I also love those who have continued to support the gay community and in our fight for equality, people like;  Madonna, David Beckham, Bill Maher, Whoopi Goldberg, Margaret Cho, Joy Behar, Adam Levine, Chris Evans,  Michelle Visage, Lady Gaga and so many other wonderful people.

Coming out isn’t easy – despite what others may say – coming out is about finally being able to face your fears and to go against everything that you believed to be true.  Coming out is a realization that there was never anything wrong with you and only in those that instilled their hatred, ignorance and fear about homosexuals into society.  Coming out is brave, liberating, joyous, loving, wonderful, strong and honest but, most importantly,  coming out is about loving yourself.

Enjoy these videos:

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!

HAPPY GAY PRIDE – MUSIC VIDEO

As we continue to celebrate the ruling SCOTUS made yesterday in deeming Prop 8 unconstitutional – I want to look back into the past, 1984 to be exact.  I was in High School and was living a life as a closeted teenager.  I didn’t know where to go for support – I knew how my friends and family felt about homosexuals (especially males) and wasn’t about to ‘come out’ to any of them.  The only release I managed to receive was in pop music. 

There were a lot of ambiguous music groups and artists that were just reaching peak stardom levels, groups such as; Duran Duran, The Cure, Depeche Mode, The Human League, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, New Order, Yaz, etc….What I really connected with were bands that had openly/known gay singers and band mates like; Culture Club, Frankie Goes To Hollywood and especially Bronski Beat.  (I learned of Andy Bell of Erasure a few years later).  

Music transcended the closet for me and I guess, for many others.  These bands had massive hit records and albums during that time.  I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t come out especially when Bronski Beat had a hit on the charts about a young boy’s struggle and coming out with his homosexuality.  The song was called “Smalltown Boy”.  This song resonated with me – it was about me, it was my story and it was on the radio everywhere.  The irony is that the song didn’t give me the courage to come out and live my authentic life – for me, it reinforced why I should stay closeted.  I didn’t want to be bullied, I didn’t want to lose my friends and most of all – I didn’t want to be ostracized by my family.  What that song did was allow me to begin the dialogue with myself in accepting who I was because it was confirmation that there were many others out there like me.

I think the LGBTQ community should acknowledge the importance of pop music and artists such as Divine, Sylvester, Culture Club, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Madonna, Elton John, Erasure and Bronski Beat – some for being openly gay and not apologizing for it and some for embracing the community without fear of what could happen to their careers.  These artists, through their music and videos, have provided an escape of a harsh reality that so many today (and yesterday) couldn’t live through.  So thank you and Happy Pride.

Here are the lyrics to “Smalltown Boy” :

You leave in the morning
With everything you own
In a little black case
Alone on a platform
The wind and the rain
On a sad and lonely face

Mother will never understand
Why you had to leave
But the answers you seek
Will never be found at home
The love that you need
Will never be found at home

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

Pushed around and kicked around
Always a lonely boy
You were the one
That they’d talk about around town
As they put you down

And as hard as they would try
They’d hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them
Just to your soul
No, you never cried to them
Just to your soul

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

Cry, boy, cry…

You leave in the morning
With everything you own
In a little black case
Alone on a platform
The wind and the rain
On a sad and lonely face

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

Here is the video that gave me inspiration to begin to live my true and authentic self….enjoy!

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!