WHY DO WE JUDGE OTHERS?

Many people fear things they don’t know or understand and may react in very different ways to those things.  Some may act by being uncomfortably silent, some may challenge the things they don’t understand and try to do anything they can to debunk those things, others act violently and some people don’t act at all.  Saying this, think about some questions that you may have asked family members or friends that may have made them think, “Why on earth did they ask me that question?”  Many of us don’t really think about what we say or the consequences of what we say until it is said.  Hear are some questions or statements that you may have already asked or made to friends or family members – these questions/statements probably say more about you than the person you are asking.

• Are you really wearing that tonight?
• Have you gained weight?
• I knew you were gay before you knew.
• Are you really going to see him/her again?
• You should date someone who is white.
• You should stick with someone of your own race.
• Women shouldn’t be in politics.
• She/He is a drug addict
• Why would you give homeless people money – they are probably just going to buy drugs or alcohol with it?
• She/he is so ugly.
• We won’t make a difference so why bother trying.
• Are you really going to eat that?
• You shouldn’t wear that – it doesn’t suit your age.
• Why do all gays like Madonna, Cher, Liza Minelli, Lady Gaga and Barbara Streisand?
• She/He deserves all that is coming to them.
• If you can’t change someone, why even bother?
• She is such a bitch.
• He is such an asshole.
• Why can’t they get their act together?
• I would never let myself become like him/her.
• You are crazy/stupid/awful, etc….
• You have to do it this way.
• You can’t change someone’s ignorance, they are too old.
• You’re so gay.
• You can never do that, you’re a woman.

These examples may resonate with you because you have probably used them a few times in your life to judge others.  You may not have thought about the impact your question would have on the person, so think about it now.  How would you feel if someone came out and asked or made a statement about you?  I have personally been told or asked some of the questions or statements above – and have asked myself – “why would someone even make a statement or ask such an insensitive question like that?”  Some people don’t think they are asking or saying something that may be deemed insensitive.  Some people ask because they are uncomfortable in their own lives and receive satisfaction from hurting others.  The point is – who are you judging?  The person you are making these statements about or yourself?

In my life – I try my best to remove the stereotypes that were instilled upon me.  Growing up as a closeted gay man…I have learned to hang onto anger and lash out at my brothers and sisters who were out and proud to be gay.  I bullied people who were weaker than myself because of the secret I was hiding.  Until I learned to love myself – I wasn’t going to love anyone else and it certainly reflected on the type of person I was.  I was bitter, angry, hateful, racist and rude.  I made judgements on others by what they wore, looked like, acted and by what they said.  I never judged people for their actions.  I have grown so much since those bitter, angry, hateful, racist and rude days.  I am comfortable as a male – who happens to be born gay, I am happy, I continue to learn not to judge people and have no problem gently mentioning to others that they should not judge either.

No-one person is perfect – so, before you look to judge someone else, take a long hard look at yourself.

Together, we can make the world a more positive one!