What has made you the person you are today? Every single event that has happened in my life, both good and bad, have shaped me to become who I am today. Along the way I have accumulated some very deep emotional scars – it is how I death with these scars that have allowed me to move towards positive acceptance of how I received those scars.
The first major scar that I can remember was the outcome of the physical and emotional abuse I suffered. Unlike physical scars, the emotional scars could not be healed as quickly. I managed to bury my emotions – I hid them in the deepest recesses of my mind because I thought if my emotions, feelings and thoughts were witnessed by others, I would end up with more emotional scars.
I thought by drinking and experimenting with drugs would allow me to deal and live with my emotional scars. That was not the case. Hiding behind drugs and alcohol only exasperated my need to hide further within myself. I buried the authentic individual I was meant to become. I buried his dreams and his hopes.
Eventually, I knew I had to deal with my emotional issues and move towards a more healing and positive life but I didn’t know how to get to that point. Mental illness was frowned upon as being weak and crazy, homosexuality was definitely not accepted in my family or in society. I thought the only way I could heal was to find someone to love and to hide my sexuality – which only created more emotional scars.
After the constant lying to myself and to everyone in my life, I figured the best way to rectify everything was to die. I contemplated suicide many times and the failure to do that became an emotional scar. I hated myself and began to hate everyone around me. I couldn’t trust anyone and felt everyone I met was only going to hurt me. Looking back now, I realized how important alcohol was to me. It was a means to escape and I escaped so well that there were moments that I blacked out from the alcohol. For me, that was sweet relief.
I can’t pinpoint the moment I “woke up” and began to turn my life around but I do know two incidents that awakened my soul. The moment I acknowledged that I was born the way the I was supposed to be. Being homosexual was part of who I was – I didn’t wake up one day and decide that I wanted to be gay, I just was. If there is a God – he created me in his image as he created women in theirs, or people with darker skin or lighter eyes. I couldn’t change because that was a part of me. The other moment was when I fell in love. I realized love is supposed to hurt, it is supposed to make you angry, to make you feel sad and to assist you in becoming your authentic self.
I know so many others in the world have gone through much worse than I did and haven’t even begun to deal with their emotional scars. Looking back, I love my scars. My scars have allowed me to have so much love for animals that I have decided not to eat them or wear them. My scars allowed me to fight for our planet because there is no other planet as beautiful as our home. And finally, my scars have allowed me to inspire people to create positive change in the world – to spread joy, wellness and love. My scars are beautiful because they helped me become the person I am today.
BEAUTIFUL SCARS
Just take me with all my stupid flaws
Changing me’s like shooting in the dark
Patience please, I’ll never be as perfect as you want me to be-lieve me I want it just as bad
Forgive me, wish I could change the past
Take it ‘cos I’ll never be as perfect as you want
I think you’re confusing me with somebody else
I won’t apologize for being myself
Take me with all of my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
With all my beautiful scars
Don’t judge me, just gotta let me be
Accept me, although I’m incomplete
My im-per-fections make me unique that’s my belief
I think you’re confusing me with somebody else
I won’t apologize for being myself
Take me with all of my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
With all my beautiful scars
Never say never
Anything is possible
Always been a rebel
Overcoming obstacles
I can’t give you perfect
But I can give you forever, oh ohoh oh oh
Take me with all of my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
I come to you with all my flaws
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
With all my beautiful scars
With all my beautiful scars
I love you the way that you are
(You got to love me, you got to love me…)
(You got to love me, you got to love me..
MLVC (2015)
COALITION OF POSITIVE ENERGY 